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Eyes Only:
Escape from Beirut
 
     
 
eyes only

redacted

 
 
     
 
Gentlemen:

Like all good Americans, and despite our busy touring schedule, we have been closely following the dire developments in the Middle East. We are particularly concerned with the plight of Americans stranded in the war-torn state of Lebanon and with the faltering attempts to evacuate them.

As you may already know, we are currently performing nightly with Michael McDonald, formerly of the Doobie Brothers. Mike is a long time collaborator of ours and moreover a close personal friend of defense expert Jeff "Skunk" Baxter. So you could check out Mike's bona fides with Jeff (unless he is, as we suspect, already "in-country" on a mission and thus unreachable). Anyhoo, Mike is the proud owner of a smallish yacht which we would like to volunteer for whatever kind of evacuation plan is now being contemplated by you or the DOD.

Mike's boat holds about seven people and is in relatively shipshape condition. It has a working head and two sports fishing stations on the poopdeck or whatever you call that part of the boat. There's lots of fishing tackle and assorted goodies, including the latest iteration of the famous "Bass-O-Matic" lures. There is also a bitching stereo on board, chock full of smooth 70's and early 80's classics - Chris Cross, Mike & Steely McD, Kenny Loggins, Pablo Cruise, you name it. So it would be a very comfortable trip for the four or five lucky evacuees. There is room on the front deck for a 20 mm deck cannon.

The name of the boat is "Yamo B." but it occurs to us that there are already too many funny-sounding names in the news these days. Thus it could be changed to something more appropriate, such as "Babylon Sista".

Please let us know as soon as possible if there is a role for this splendid vessel in this historic evacuation. We have not yet spoken to Mike about this plan but we feel confident he will be willing to help. Time is of the essence - Mike's boat is currently deployed is his front yard in Nashville, so whatever lead time we can get would be helpful in ensuring the success of our mission.

We sincerely hope you will consider this generous offer and let us contribute to the effort. We certainly don't want to have to send Mike over there as a private citizen to pitch in - there's been more than enough celebrity hotdogging at various disaster scenes as it is.

In exchange for Mike's help, would you consider a link to Steelydan.com on the FEMA website? It doesn't seem like much to ask for when there are American lives hanging in the balance.

Our manager Irving Azoff will be expecting your call. So long for now!

 
  redacted  
     
  P.S. In future communications, this prospective action will be referred to by the code name "Operation Minute By Minute". Okay?  
     
   
     
     
 
posted 9/21/2006

 

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